March 26, 1970
I think this has been a beautiful week and now I’m going to write down all the things I feel you’ve taught me so I won’t forget. Before I do, I ask you again for your help. Please stay beside me, in my heart, and give me the strength I need to fight my weakness and fear and to see your beauty and your love. Don’t turn your face from me; it is my light.
1. About being lost, physically and in the hall Sunday, I think that showed me a lot. About where my life really is and about other people who are lost.
2. Folly, my own folly gets me into so much trouble and yet you’re always there, never laughing, never forsaking me. There’s still more to learn from that, I’m almost sure.
3. Obeying your will. I’ve been asking for you to show me how to do that for a long time and I think your lesson about that has been heavy this week. I asked for strength and I’m sure you gave it to me. Maybe I still have to learn how to accept what you give me. To accept and to love what you give me. Because your plan is always better than mine ever could be.
4. How very much we do need other Christians.
5. That you are light. And that, as much as I fear the night, you are always there and the day always comes. Like the sun is always there, shining warm and bright. But we can’t see it at night. Oh, Lord, I’m afraid not to see you at night! I want, I need to see you always. Never let me turn away. You are like the sun, aren’t you? At night we can’t see you (when we’re still lost.) and by the day, you’re too much for us to take. We can bask in your light but we can’t bear to look at your face. I guess what I’m going through is a cloudy day, when your there all the time When the only thing between us are thin, weak, short-lived clouds put there by Satan — or me. I don’t know which.
6. I am loved. By you and by your people. Joe or Jake or Jerry or Ray or Steve or Kathy or Jean. None of them would love me without you. I never found this love on my own. It was only when you brought it to me that I found love, beautiful, beautiful, wondrous love! Please let me see your light shining through it always the way Jake and Joe would want me to, the way you want me to. And let me feel close to you always.
There’s so much more. But I’m probably not yet ready. I only ask that you keep me near you and take away this fear.