I found an email that mom sent to my sister regarding me.
The subject line was “Jen, Have you talked to David lately?”
David told me yesterday that he was going to divert all of my mail to his address. He really has no right to do so. I know he’s trying to help, but he keeps making it worse. I don’t mind if he wants to divert bills to himself, but I believe that he has no right to look at my personal mail.
Other than my therapist, no one else understands what I am going through.
When I am with anyone else, I am fine, but I feel as if you both think I’m not normal.
Dr. Garver believes that I will have a job by March, and that all I need is to get my confidence back. At the same time, I feel that David, in particular, is really stressed, and he has no faith in me. I am worried for your brother. He takes so much on himself, even when he doesn’t need to.
David is an A-type. Everything has to be perfect. Believe me, if I could find a job today, I would jump on it, even if it is shoveling shit against the tide.
(When things got tough for Nana, she would laugh and ask for a shovel.)
I am very invested in both of your opinions of me. Most people like me. I have been depressed most of my life, and, right now, the extra stress from David is making me crazy.
Like thousands of people, it may be that all I need is a job.
I am going to church at 12 for an hour of prayer. Then, at 2 o’clock, I will be going to see Mr. Garver.
Maybe you can call me tonight.
I love you both and always will. I just wish I had more time with you. People can change.