I found an email that mom sent to my sister regarding me.
The subject line was “Jen, Have you talked to David lately?”
Mom wrote:
Dear Jen,
David told me yesterday that he was going to divert all of my mail to his address. He really has no right to do so. I know he’s trying to help, but he keeps making it worse. I don’t mind if he wants to divert bills to himself, but I believe that he has no right to look at my personal mail.
Other than my therapist, no one else understands what I am going through.
When I am with anyone else, I am fine, but I feel as if you both think I’m not normal.
Dr. Garver believes that I will have a job by March, and that all I need is to get my confidence back. At the same time, I feel that David, in particular, is really stressed, and he has no faith in me. I am worried for your brother. He takes so much on himself, even when he doesn’t need to.
David is an A-type. Everything has to be perfect. Believe me, if I could find a job today, I would jump on it, even if it is shoveling shit against the tide.
(When things got tough for Nana, she would laugh and ask for a shovel.)I am very invested in both of your opinions of me. Most people like me. I have been depressed most of my life, and, right now, the extra stress from David is making me crazy.
Like thousands of people, it may be that all I need is a job.
I am going to church at 12 for an hour of prayer. Then, at 2 o’clock, I will be going to see Mr. Garver.
Maybe you can call me tonight.
I love you both and always will. I just wish I had more time with you. People can change.
Love,
Mom