I sent the following email to Sophia Mas at Stewart-Marchman:

Dear Sophia,

I have called the number for Lakewood Retirement that is on their webpage — (386) 274-1848 — three times now. I called once yesterday afternoon and twice this morning. Every time I call it simply rings and rings and nobody answers and it doesn’t go to an answering service or voice mail or anything.

Do you have an alternate number that I can use to attempt to contact Maria, the woman you said was the administrator there?

Thank you,

David Vincent Gagne

She replied twenty minutes later with the following absurdly verbose message: