Kathie Gagne died 4,705 days ago.

Colling, Gilbert, Wright, and Carter
September 24th, 2008 @ 8:22 pm

In late September of 2008, a little more than a year after the death of her mother, mom wrote a letter and sent her original birth certificate to someone named Beth at the law offices of Colling, Gilbert, Wright, and Carter. I assume this had something to do with their lawsuit against Indigo Manor.

 
 
Panera
September 21st, 2008 @ 9:06 am
Kathleen Gagne

This photo was taken the day before her 60th birthday, at Panera Bread.

Mr. P.B.
September 17th, 2008 @ 12:00 pm

Sept. 17, 2008

Mom,

Mr. P.B. died Sunday morning. I guess most people wouldn’t understand, but it really hurts to lose him.

One of the singers on America’s got talent sang “In the arms of the angels.” He was so tiny and so sick. He died here on my couch with me giving him as much love as I could. I really, really related to him. He was wounded and often stayed by himself — like me.

I miss you, Mom. If you see Mr. P.B., tell him I truly, truly loved him.

And I truly, truly, truly love you. I miss you so much.

Kathie
Kathleen A. Gagne

Seeking a Teaching Position
September 4th, 2008 @ 7:05 pm

Here’s another letter from mom’s old hard drive. The file is inexplicably named ADT.doc. She was desperate for work after getting laid off from her position at Americorps, which she loved dearly. I have tens of letters like this to different administrators around Florida, and dozens of versions and revisions of her resume.

 
 

Of course I have no idea who Dr. McNealy is, or even whether she actually ever sent this letter. I guess it’s a pretty cliché thing to say about your mother, but gosh, she really, really loved kids. And she especially loved helping kids. I think it had something to do with her enduring dream of the vision of JFK’s Camelot, something like that …

Again
September 1st, 2008 @ 12:01 pm

Sept. 1, 2008

Hi, Mom,

It’s me again. I wish I could be more like you. You had faith, and you always kept going.

I have no one. I just wish you were here to tell my kids that I need them.

I feel sick and alone all the time.

I feel like giving up, but that wouldn’t help at all.

Kathleen A. Gagne

Every Weekend
September 1st, 2008 @ 12:00 pm

September 1, 2008

Hi, Mom,

It’s been a long time. I miss you every day. I still call your phone to hear your voice.

I miss your smile and your hugs, and your unconditional love.

I hate what happened to you, and I wish I could have done more for you.

Do you remember that I came almost every weekend for 4 years. I couldn’t do that now because gas is up to almost $5.00. Can you believe it?

Right now, Jen is in Alaska making trails in Denali Park. She’s having a great time exploring the whole state, and she and [redacted] are writing down their experiences on a blog (it’s like a website).

In 21 days, I’ll be 60! How about that! I wish you were here. You could have been if they hadn’t broken your legs.

I lost my job. They just said they weren’t going to renew it. I’m looking, but there’s not much out there. If you’re where I hope you are, can you put in a good word for me?
Love, Kathie
Kathleen A. Gagne

I Can’t Figure Out the New Stuff on My Computer
August 2nd, 2008 @ 4:00 pm
 
 
Taking a Chance
July 26th, 2008 @ 11:23 pm

CardsMom came from a time when the art of writing letters was still tremendously important, and she was a great writer. She wrote letters throughout her entire life and sent them to politicians and to business leaders, to the newspapers where she lived, to disgruntled collection agencies, to PTA members, to friends, and — of course — to her children and family. I’ve found copies of letters she’s written to three different Presidents of the United States and they are all formatted exactly as formally as the ones she wrote to me in college.1

Mom loved being a mom. And she loved children. So after months and months of unemployment, I suggested she see if she could get involved with the school system somehow, and that maybe be could be a substitute teacher or something like that.

Here is a follow-up letter she wrote, I presume, after a job interview at Westwood Middle School:

 
 

1 I’m talking about printed correspondence only. She loved typewriters and word processors and formatting headers and addresses and salutations. But she also wrote beautiful handwritten letters. She wrote me a letter almost every day throughout my first year of college, and probably on average once or twice a week for the next four years I was there. I have — quite literally — dozens of boxes full of the hundreds and hundreds of letters she wrote me.

I Hate Yahoo
July 13th, 2008 @ 12:01 pm
 
 
A Quick Visit
July 2nd, 2008 @ 9:53 am

My wife and I were in Florida for her sister’s wedding and I got to spend some time visiting with mom. My mom sent me this email — with the subject line “Last Week” — shortly after we returned to Los Angeles:

 

Hi, Honey,

I can’t tell you how much it meant to me to spend most of an afternoon with you. [name redacted] was very gracious to give us/me that time.

You are so special, and I’m absolutely certain that you have found your soulmate. (after 18 years!!!)

Anyway, I don’t know how much more I could love you.

You and [name redacted] make my heart sing. FYI – it sings louder when you and [name redacted] are around.

I don’t know what’s going to happen jobwise, but I’ll keep you posted.

I love you.