I saw Susan today. We spoke about some of the things that have been hurting me most of my life. We have to work on getting my feelings to match my intellect. She said my catastrophizing symptoms primarily and some situations is due to irrational thoughts. She said I should write down what I was experiencing and then literally tear up the paper and throw it away. It sounds promising. Maybe I’ll try it.

I got a callback from Tracy Baglia at Naylor today. She said they’re not going to fill the editorial position for a couple of months but that she wanted to do a phone interview with me for the sales position. We set it up for 2:00 tomorrow. What a change of direction that would be! But, what if I could make some good money? And what if getting my foot in the door might lead to something else?

I brought a 3-page piece from Marina’s Escort to the Writer’s Group last night. I would say it was received very enthusiastically, even my “setting up” of the plot. Mary said she loved it, and Jan said he thought it was very well done, and Christy said it was funny and sexy and filled with tension. I think I may need to make Deke a little gruffer — maybe even have him work on a persona. It was great fun!

I’m really worried about David. I hate it that he’s in Los Angeles right now but I can’t imagine him leaving [redacted]. I hope he takes enough time to be really sure of what he wants out of life.

But, more than that, I’m really worried about him flying to Hawaii at the end of this month. I know it’s a wonderful chance for him, but the world seems to be falling apart, and, god, he’s so far away!

Barbara says it’s a really safe time to fly. I don’t know. I only know that I couldn’t bear it. Maybe this is part of what Susan and I were talking about. Maybe I need to be able to fly myself. But, if I couldn’t do it before, how could I do it now?

Jen and I miss him so much. Why do people constantly have to go away? How much more special now is the wonderful times I spent with David and Jen when I first moved here. Who would have known that a year later David would be all the way across the country?

I love them so much.
Kathleen A. Gagne