It seems like forever since I’ve written. Still no job, very little money, getting behind on bills. It’s pretty depressing because I was just at the point where my credit was getting restored.

I’ve had some problems with my blood pressure. I’ve been walking 4 or 5 times a week with the silly pups. I guess it might be helping. But I’ve been very tense, and that’s not good. Haven’t been able to lose any more.

Susan keeps trying to get me to internalize good, positive feelings about myself. Interestingly enough, Jen has her own campaign going to do the same. We went to see Susan in “Nuncrackers” a couple of weeks ago. It was hysterical. We had a great time!

I still feel so lost and lonely inside. I was thinking the other day that I should be looking for a man to love rather than for a man to love me. I don’t know if I even remember how to love anyone besides Jen and David.

David’s not coming for Christmas. I miss him so much, and I know he’ll miss being here with us! [Redacted] is taking him to the Lakers game Tuesday.

My beautiful, wonderful son! And my incredible, precious daughter!

I guess the holidays are getting me down: no money, no man, no David coming home (in increasing order of importance!). Jen, bless her, is trying to get me to look at what I have, instead of what I don’t have.

But another year has gone by and I’m still huge and alone and really feeling as if my weight is bearing me down.

I know I have a lot …

I just heard a line on tv – a young woman talking about her sick, elderly mother who has Alzheimer’s. She said, “I guess I’m just not through needing them.”
Kathleen A. Gagne