August 12

I have to write this down, Father. You know — about what came to me while Evelyn and I were talking. I’ve been saying, “Lord, what are you trying to break me of or detach me from? Tell me and I’ll sneak around and do it myself so that it won’t hurt. Let me do it; don’t you worry.”

Of course, then it wouldn’t work. Praise you. Now, you just take care of things and give me the graces necessary to accept your will. Praise you and thank you for tonight.

August 8

Well, Father, today, so far, has been a pretty good day. Notice how I’m almost afraid to even say that? Why? I guess I’m just so —— that when I’m suffering I won’t like it; can’t quite feel your love; can’t quite see your plan. I get mad at you because I don’t understand you. I can’t see what you want from me or why my cross seems to be so hard. You offered comfort, a light burden and you offered peace. Where are these things for me? Why must I be consumed with fear? Am I doing something wrong? But, I thought you didn’t punish here on earth. Am I not praying enough? Why is it so hard to pray? To even think of you often brings only suffering. Why? Am I supposed to be like Job? Me? Oh, father, I’m afraid of losing the faith you gave me. I fear that you would allow that to happen. Is that only because I don’t know your love very well? Or has it happened? Have I, in some way already offended you beyond reparation? Father, do you want me to receive the sacrament of peace; is that part of it? But, I don’t understand. There are so many things I don’t understand. Boy! You’ve really got to show me. I can’t do any of it on my own. Or, is that where I’ve failed? Should I be doing something on my own? No. I still don’t think so. You said to give all our problems to you. Please – help me. And I should also say, thank you for helping me. I know you already have and you already are. I guess I’m just impatient. If I were suddenly delivered of this fear, I might not learn all you want me to learn from it. That sounds like a pretty good reason; I wonder if it’s yours. Hmm.

I guess I’ll be getting to mass now. I really have enjoyed talking to you this while; I hope I’ve listened a little too. Praise you, Father!

August 8 — Carol on Prayer

1. Why pray?
2. How do we pray?
3. father knows needs before we ask
4. recollection
   1. opposite of distraction
   2. fully recollected when we are completely enveloped in our prayer
   3. make distractions part of prayer
   4. carry theme all day
   5. try never to be separated from God
   6. try to look at things from God’s point of view – what he is trying to teach you
   7. living in the presence of God
   8. self is the opposite of the Lord.
5. contemplation
   1. higher of the two
   2. contemplating on truth – God dwelling within us
   3. St. Theresa – Divine Union, science of love, sitting in presence of the Lord — absorbed into his presence
   4. St. Thomas – gaze at Truth under the influence of love
   5. gift the Lord gives you after you strive for it
   6. {helps} get rid of anything that can’t be held up before the Lord
   7. {helps} should have method
      1. think who you’re talking to
      2. think of aspect of Lord, etc. & make that your meditation
         1. draw all you can from it – feelings
         2.  
         3. resolve that you’re going to stay close to the Lord
6. Helps
   1. consecrate a certain time to Christ
   2. put aside all but Him
   3. be ready and willing to sit at His feet
7. Love in your heart makes everything a prayer – when the Spirit of God is within us – Jake

August 5

Praise you, Father! Especially for yesterday. For when I told Mom, for the meeting and for the trip to Little Compton. And for today. Teach me what to write to you. But, go easy, please.

August 4

Dear father, I’m not sure of whether or not I should tell Mommy about this afternoon but I think I should. Bend my will to yours and guide whatever I say to her, please, that I may glorify your name and that I may not offend her. And, please, father, bless my meeting with Mr. B. this afternoon in the same way.

And it may seem silly, but please take good care of that kitten. You know how I worry.

Please help me, father, not to fear. I believe. Help my unbelief.

August 3, 1970

Well, father, it’s another day. I’m trying to do what Charlene suggests because I feel there is help in it. I know I’m very blessed to have you send her to help me along. In fact, I pray that I may someday help someone else the way she seems to be helping me.

This morning I’m worried again about “lump” behind my right ear. I’m pretty sure, though, that it’s a result of my neck being crooked and is not a lump at all but only a muscle. Please, again, I ask for courage, like you said you’d give it last night, and a release from fear.

And please help me with Mom and Dad and Dick. Give me the strength and the knowledge to do your will in relation to them. And you already know that I pray that they may come to the fullness of your love.

Jesus, don’t let go of me and don’t let me let go of you. Be my strength in times like these. Yesterday you promised you’d carry me on your own back if I wasn’t strong enough. Forgive me for being such a heavy load, but, I beg you, don’t put me down!

August 1 – Russ, Explanation Room

1. Gives story of first Pentecost and this one being continuance

2. Story of Renewal – Notre Dame, Ann Arbor

3. People ask questions, mainly on gifts

4. Outline

5. Would it be feasible to have the rooms before the prayer meeting

Evaluation of Previous Thursday

Negative Aspects

• did not start with praise
• mass should be planned

  mass committee formed
  1. Russ 2. Al 3. Jake 4. Jeff Faber

• problem with Rev. Alice Rounds — Jake offered to try to handle it

Positive Aspects

• new gifts manifested (message tongues)
• should pray that they grow
• Jake handled guys question

6. Possibility of breaking up Days of Renewal into seminars

August 1

It’s been a long time, hasn’t it, Father?

Right now I’m sitting at a Sunday meeting, wondering. Why did I go so long? Why has it been so rough? What are you trying to teach me? Is it true what Charlene and Jake say, that this is the dark night of the soul? If so, will I definitely come out of it still with you? I’m almost afraid to ask if I can still be lost. I don’t think so — I pray not. You have to be in complete control there. Please keep me in your love. Let me feel your love.

Lord, I’m afraid – help me

May 22

Teaching?

Humanity – people come expecting to see saints. We’re not — we’re human. But we must always remember that we cannot use our humanity as an excuse for neglect of our Father’s will & duties as Christians. We often, as a salve to conscience, say, “Well, I’m only human!” How gross that becomes as an excuse when we remember that we shared our humanity with Christ.