2/7/07 Ok, so I’m in Orlando. Conference tomorrow. Would rather be at home. Gained some weight. But I’m kind of pretty. I’ve cried to God so many times I can’t count them. I feel like I’m empty of God. I am looking for peace, maybe some joy. Maybe — in looking for those things […]
2/4/07 Raced away from Daytona to get to church, but left after a half hour because they were having communion. Super Bowl was a bust. Manning won. Talked to John about a mortgage. Need cash to do roof & 7 or 8 other things. I feel peaceful in that church, but I’m not sure […]
1/28/07 I’ve decided that I like myself. I’ve been arguing, particularly, with my body for decades. I don’t feel as old as I am, and I’m hoping to start a new phase of my life right here, right now. I went to church today. Freaky. I was just driving by at the right time. […]
1/22/07 I call Mom every night. Tonight she was concerned about where all her furniture got to when she was in the hospital. I explained it all to her, but it really hurts to know she’s losing ground. David called, bemoaning the Pats’ loss. I told him he got me a watch for Christmas. […]
1/21/07 I thought about going to church today, but the same dilemma holds. I’d be going for Jen, maybe David. The truth is what I wrote the other day. I’m alone. I don’t know what to do about an all-powerful being. Nor do I know how to get people in my life. Outside my […]
1/19/07 It’s amazing how much better I feel after just a few days of eating the right food. I’ve decided not to weigh myself until Feb. 7, the day I go to Orlando for a PD Conference / Training. Blessed are those who know what on earth they are on earth to do and […]
1/15/07 I can’t seem to get on track. It’s hard to think about God when I feel as if there’s no solution to my weight problem. I know I’m not healthy right now. I’ve eaten so much junk. Every day I try, and every day I fail. I’m not sure I can hope anymore, […]
1/14/07 I keep thinking about dieting. It suddenly dawned on me that the word starts with a loss — die. Maybe I can develop a live-it plan to change my life. I don’t know what “home” is unless it’s inside me. Jen said she was coming home for Christmas and that “home is where […]
1/8/07 The Gators won the National Championship. It was beyond cool. It made me think of losing. Funny, but I always seem to be losing, everything except weight, and that is a loss, too. I’m almost always alone. I have no friends nearby, and I don’t know how to get them. I feel drained. […]
1/3/07 Hard day at work. Exhausted. Need to get to Dr. Akey, but no money. Lots of rain — no leak in living room. I wish I could figure out how to do it. I need to lose weight and keep it off. I’m scared. I don’t know about God. I wish I could […]