I found dozens of journals after mom died. So, so many of them only contain a handful of entries, but some of them cover entire years of her life.
These blog posts are entries from them.
Dear Mom, It’s Sunday, September 16th. I’ll be 59 next Saturday. I’ve been spending a lot of time with Donna Omer — looking for a dress for David’s wedding. I had lost 21 lbs, but now I’m back up. I truly can’t imagine being at Dic’s for my birthday without you there. I miss you […]
Hi, Mom, You can’t imagine how much I miss you or how much I wish I could have spent more time with you. I think of you every day, especially at 7:00 pm when I used to call you. My heart is broken, and, losing you, I feel as if I’ve lost rock, my balance, […]
2/13/07 Strange things going on at work. Chandra told me some, but Mary and Kim were reticent. It sounded as if Donna got demoted. How cruel! If it’s true, they should have at least moved her to another department. I’ve been told virtually nothing. All the others were called down to talk to Dianna […]
2/9/07 Where does it say I should be alone all the time? What kind of deity declares that both of my children should be a plane ride away? What is it I did to deserve this loneliness? People die from loneliness. My mother loves me. I see her just about every week. I’m there […]
2/7/07 Ok, so I’m in Orlando. Conference tomorrow. Would rather be at home. Gained some weight. But I’m kind of pretty. I’ve cried to God so many times I can’t count them. I feel like I’m empty of God. I am looking for peace, maybe some joy. Maybe — in looking for those things […]
2/4/07 Raced away from Daytona to get to church, but left after a half hour because they were having communion. Super Bowl was a bust. Manning won. Talked to John about a mortgage. Need cash to do roof & 7 or 8 other things. I feel peaceful in that church, but I’m not sure […]
1/28/07 I’ve decided that I like myself. I’ve been arguing, particularly, with my body for decades. I don’t feel as old as I am, and I’m hoping to start a new phase of my life right here, right now. I went to church today. Freaky. I was just driving by at the right time. […]
1/22/07 I call Mom every night. Tonight she was concerned about where all her furniture got to when she was in the hospital. I explained it all to her, but it really hurts to know she’s losing ground. David called, bemoaning the Pats’ loss. I told him he got me a watch for Christmas. […]
1/21/07 I thought about going to church today, but the same dilemma holds. I’d be going for Jen, maybe David. The truth is what I wrote the other day. I’m alone. I don’t know what to do about an all-powerful being. Nor do I know how to get people in my life. Outside my […]
1/19/07 It’s amazing how much better I feel after just a few days of eating the right food. I’ve decided not to weigh myself until Feb. 7, the day I go to Orlando for a PD Conference / Training. Blessed are those who know what on earth they are on earth to do and […]