I cannot recall exactly what happened that prompted this email. I think mom had either been told she was going to be laid off or get fired and she was (understandably) very upset about it. She must have called me and I tried to make her feel better about it.

I cannot imagine why for some time she wrote all her emails without using the <shift> key; it’s so uncharacteristic of her. She was a brilliantly-fast touch-typist and zealous about grammar and punctuation. This email came from her AOL account, which she had for many years.

Sent: Friday, March 29, 1996 9:18 PM PT
Subject: Re: RE: filetest

it’s friday night a little past 7:30. i’m sure feeling lonely and down. i got the low-down, screwed around, on the ground blues. i wonder if shelly will even think about me at all this weekend. it must be a weird feeling to just play with someone’s life like that and not care. i think clint cared more about firing elisa who was a bonafide $%^^#&# than shelly cares about whatever she does to me.

i told patty about it today. i figure she’s been with the company 8 years, too, and her salary is a lot higher than the others’. she might just be next in line. besides, she’s my friend and i needed a friend today. she was aghast. no kidding. after i told her, she said, “but you know how to do everything. you know how to talk to customers and make things right. you can take a really mad customer and talk to them and they’re happy. and you always keep us all going, teaching us and telling us how good we are. you make us all feel good, etc., etc., etc. and as she spoke, her eyes filled with tears, so i hugged her and thanked her and told her i loved her. it was a pretty moving moment. that was just about when shelly called…

i feel all sort of empty inside. i want to concentrate on my paper and government. i was really looking forward to a relaxing weekend of nothing but school. but my heart hurts, you know? i mean, i’m okay, but… maybe i’m just tired. i couldn’t sleep last night, kept waking up. i haven’t told jen yet – she would be really worried and upset. (i figured you would be more worried if i didn’t call you because you knew something was up). anyway, i kept dreaming jen was here. and then i would wake up and say, oh, i was dreaming, and i would sleep again for a few minutes and dream that she was really here this time because the last time was a dream… (i love dots)

i’m sure you know it, but the sun comes up before six now. it must be almost time to switch the clocks. i never remember what month we do it in.

i don’t know why i’m typing in business format dot dot dot

i’m scared, david. i’m okay, but i’m scared. i have nothing to fall back on, and no matter what happens, there will be difficult times ahead for a while, and i am sooooo grateful for you and jen!!!!!!!!

u         thinks the news-journal has saturated the territories this last year. he’s not making any sales, and he’s really depresed. i was over there for a long time tonight cleaning up all the water with my bissell. then i was going to wash the wet towels, but the faucet the plumber had just fixed didn’t work, so nana called him back. she’s so tired again. i don’t think it’s from the surgery.

ok, so maybe i’m just a little negative, but i must have done something right because you and jen are ok. just for the record, patty was genuinely angered at that particular remark from shelly. patty seems to think i’m the one who keeps everyone else going. so there.

i think i’ll go into a chat room somewhere and see if i can meet someone interesting.

i love you lots and lots and lots. thanks again for your support. you can’t ever know what it means to me. heart heart heart.