Kathie Gagne died 4,809 days ago.

I Wish We Could Talk for a Long Time
March 16th, 2002 @ 8:46 pm

I have owned this domain name for a long, long time. For many years there was nothing here at all; I always planned on one day making a website to display some of mom’s artwork and / or writing. (She wrote a ton of fiction.) I configured an email address for her so she’d have her own instead of telling people whatever crazy hotmail or yahoo or earthlink address she had.

One night in 2002 after I taught her how to access the webmail interface, she sent me this note:

 
 
March 10, 2002
March 10th, 2002 @ 12:00 pm

I’ve finished two full weeks of work. It’s okay, but I’m still working with a team. Donna is great. She seems to be an incredibly nice woman. She’s already looking for ways to get me a Masters degree.

I think my money problems are going to be with me for a while. I either need a job or a fast influx of money. And I really need to change how I deal with money.

I spoke to David this morning. It looks as if he won’t be coming for Easter unless he gets the money from Weakest Link. I hope he’s not really broke. It’s so weird, him living around all that money. If I were those people, I would be making life easier for everyone I knew that needed it.

Jen is going to Chicago again, Thursday, I think. I hate it when they fly, but she’s really excited.
Kathleen A. Gagne

March 4, 2002
March 4th, 2002 @ 12:00 pm

Jen came Wednesday after work to give Fingerpup a bath, but she wasn’t feeling well, so it didn’t get done that day.

Her house was cold — she brought a suitcase and planned to stay until Friday morning. But, by Friday, she was still pretty sick. She didn’t even go to work today. She slept here 5 nights.

I’m sorry she’s not feeling well, but it was wonderful having her here. We got along great, lots of loving.

It was really something, a very special time. She is so remarkable!
Kathleen A. Gagne

February 27, 2002
February 27th, 2002 @ 12:00 pm

Daddy died 16 years ago today. I think maybe I never really knew him.

Jen came over tonight. She’s staying here because it’s going in the 20s, and she’s staying tomorrow night, too.

I think my job is going to be ok. Gotta figure out the money. Maybe I can try some freelance writing.

David said his dress rehearsal went fine. Wish I could see it.

Still need to work on flying and coping appropriately with health issues.
Kathleen A. Gagne

February 26, 2002
February 26th, 2002 @ 12:00 pm

Second day at the School Board — better than orientation day. Donna took me to lunch at Sweetwater across the street. She’s very nice and very smart and she cares deeply about the work she does.

I have a lot to learn — again.

And I have to figure out how to make more money!

I missed my meeting tonight because I was so tired. I plan to go next week.

David bought me a John D. MacDonald book on amazon.com – I got it today. Pretty nice. He’s at dress rehearsal for JC Superstar. It runs Friday & Saturday for the next three weeks. I really need to get with Susan about flying.

Jen invited me over for a hug on my way home from work. She said she missed me.

I can’t believe how wonderful my offspring are! They are so incredible, and I love them so much!
Kathleen A. Gagne

February 24, 2002
February 24th, 2002 @ 12:00 pm

Tomorrow I start my new job — here goes.

Today I had breakfast with Anita, Lunch with Jen and Alicia at Ballyhoo, and went to see Lord of the Rings for the third time with them. It was fun.

I also increased the dose of my BP med per Dr. Wang.

I need to have the same single-minded determination to eat healthy food, exercise, and lose weight that I had for getting my degree.

And maybe to write a book and get a masters — or a man — of all 3.
Kathleen A. Gagne

A Job!
February 21st, 2002 @ 12:00 pm

I got a job today — with the Alachua County School Board and Americorps. At less than 2/3 of what I was making at Cox. What am I thinking? How the hell am I going to do this financially? I guess I have 2 or 3 choices — a part-time job, a home business (a la wreaths), or getting published again. Or, of course, I could win the lottery, a few thousand a year — hehe.

I hope Susan calls tomorrow — I want to tell her about how I react when I feel good — as if the boom is going to drop. It’s scary.

I need inspiration to write a great book, an Olympic book, a book as perfect in itself as Sarah Hughes’ skating tonight in Salt Lake City. I’ve always thought it was in me somewhere — how do I get to it? Why do I want to write, anyway?

I’m really glad I joined the writer’s group. I really like some of the people. and it’s nice to have people to talk to.
Kathleen A. Gagne

A Million Hours All at Once
February 18th, 2002 @ 12:00 pm

I’ve been out of work for almost seven months. I think I’m changing, inside, learning better how to deal with life and stress. Maybe.

Running out of money again. Even after getting $2338 back from taxes. Owe all my big bills plus $1047 for property tax, $392 for homeowners insurance.

All that’s on the table is a $30,000 yr. job with the schoolboard, a collections job repossessing cars, and an interview with the Director of Aviation at the airport.

I’m lonely. I wish I had a man in my life. Mostly just to talk to, maybe to cuddle once in a while.

My ankles aren’t swollen anymore. Lost about 12 lbs. and feeling okay about doing it slowly. Really want to crack 260 this week so I can try to lose 10 lbs. and get below 250 next.

Missing David terribly. It’s been five months, and, then, if he comes, it’ll be a big rush and trying to get in a million hours all at once.

I wish I could fly. I would find a way to go to see him.

I need to deal with fear.

Allergies are awful. I hope that’s all that’s causing the digestive, etc. problems I’m having. No money to have it checked.

Damn. I wish I could find a good job that pays “fairly” well. I hate always being broke. Wish I had saved more while I was at Cox …

I worked on my book all afternoon. Need to write something tomorrow & check out other jobs.

Need to walk & move.

I’m lonely. I don’t know what I would do without Jen right now.

But we both need more.

I wish love for her, the love of a wonderful, incredible man who will be her soul mate and always, always appreciate what a precious jewel she is!
Kathleen A. Gagne

Super Bowl
February 3rd, 2002 @ 12:00 pm

PatriotsTook Mom back to Dic’s today. House feels all empty again.

Jen and I watched the Superbowl there. Had a headache all day — hope it’s allergies and not bp, but my ankle is all swollen.

Anyway, the Patriots beat the Rams 20-17, yea!!! What a cool game.

Need to talk to Susan about EMDR and eating problems. Dic lost 39 pounds in a month. I really need to lose weight.
Kathleen A. Gagne

January 28, 2002
January 28th, 2002 @ 12:00 pm

It’s Monday again, and again there is no movement on any front in the job arena. I feel like crying – have felt that way practically since I woke up. I don’t really know where else to turn. I’m getting ready to try a couple of temp agencies after I drive down to workforce. I need to find out what my benefit resources are.

This feels so bad. I know it’s a situation and not really my “fault” per se. I still know I needed to leave Cox. I’m just really scared sometimes.

My weight is still up and I feel awful about it — not to mention feeling awful physically. I haven’t even been walking.

Mom is going home this weekend. It’s crazy because, as much as I hate having to wait on her, I will miss having another person around.

And Jen is going to Chicago again, in March.

I need a job. I need money. I need someone big and strong to cuddle me and tell me I’m loved.

The Patriots are going to the Super Bowl. Jen and I are going to drive Mom home and watch the game with Dic.
Kathleen A. Gagne

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