I have an interview today in Palatka — for a job as Putnam County Facilitator. It’s too far to travel every day. I don’t feel good about my chances. No one has offered me a job yet. I don’t feel like a failure about it — it’s just that the skills required are not in my repertoire.

Barbara Searle put in a good word for me at CH2MHill and said I could use her as a reference.

I need some good money soon.

I wish I didn’t put so much pressure on my kids because of my fears. I feel so scared and so alone most of the time, and I don’t have a clue where to turn.

I know intellectually that I should be more positive and keep reminding myself that I have value and I’m fine.

And Mom will be up here next week, probably until Thanksgiving. I don’t want to deal with her just sitting in that chair all day and being negative and talking bad about [redacted] and [redacted] and [redacted]. Boy! Do I understand how they need a break.

It was sad when she said [redacted] had “never” gotten her lottery tickets. He may be a jerk most of the time, but, why shouldn’t he be? He told me and Jen later that he never remembers either Mom or Dad saying they were proud of him. He grew up in the same house I did — what was he supposed to become?

All I can hope for is that I might have done better by David & Jen.

Kathleen A. Gagne