“Letters to Mom”

One of her journals I found is titled “Letters to Mom”. It’s a collection of letters she wrote to her mother — my “Nana Anna” — starting about four months after her death.

Dear Mom,

Sometimes you drove me crazy. I felt as if I was an alien in the family.

I was always dreaming. I still dream. I still hope.

I was thinking about some of the things you and Daddy did that really hurt me.

You gave away my dog, my Blackie, and you let me cry for weeks until I felt I was getting sick.

I don’t think anything could ever match the trust you broke when I found out you had given him away. Getting him back was great, but when he disappeared again it was the last straw. I don’t know if I have ever really trusted anyone since then (except, maybe, Sr. Fran).

Even now, after all these years, it’s hard to say, “I forgive you,” but I say it in the hope that it means something to the universe and to you.

Kathleen A. Gagne