“Letters to Mom”

One of her journals I found is titled “Letters to Mom”. It’s a collection of letters she wrote to her mother — my “Nana Anna” — starting about four months after her death.

Hi, Mom,

I hate to keep saying it, but I’m so alone. I have no one I can count on except myself. How the hell did this happen to me? Did I drive my kids away?

I’ve decided that I’m the only one who can change my life, but I don’t know where to start.

The obvious would be my weight because, with the fall and the broken ribs, I’m really hurting.

But, maybe it’s my heart that needs to be changed, fixed. I don’t know.

It’s been freezing in my office for over a week, and it doesn’t seem that anyone can fix it.

I’m going to see about getting a space heater. I guess I’ll have to get permission.

I’ll call Everett tomorrow. I’m even cold now. And I’m cold inside, physically cold.

Dr. Akey said it might be some element I’m not getting.

I love you, Mom.

Kathleen A. Gagne

* Note that mom wrote the wrong year at the top of this journal entry. It’s entered between 1/12/08 and 1/22/08.