I found dozens of journals after mom died. So, so many of them only contain a handful of entries, but some of them cover entire years of her life.
These blog posts are entries from them.
1/15/07 I can’t seem to get on track. It’s hard to think about God when I feel as if there’s no solution to my weight problem. I know I’m not healthy right now. I’ve eaten so much junk. Every day I try, and every day I fail. I’m not sure I can hope anymore, […]
1/14/07 I keep thinking about dieting. It suddenly dawned on me that the word starts with a loss — die. Maybe I can develop a live-it plan to change my life. I don’t know what “home” is unless it’s inside me. Jen said she was coming home for Christmas and that “home is where […]
1/8/07 The Gators won the National Championship. It was beyond cool. It made me think of losing. Funny, but I always seem to be losing, everything except weight, and that is a loss, too. I’m almost always alone. I have no friends nearby, and I don’t know how to get them. I feel drained. […]
1/3/07 Hard day at work. Exhausted. Need to get to Dr. Akey, but no money. Lots of rain — no leak in living room. I wish I could figure out how to do it. I need to lose weight and keep it off. I’m scared. I don’t know about God. I wish I could […]
1/2/07 I need to get some help. I’ll probably call one of the therapists recommended by Marcia at Alliance of Mind & Body. I need to look up clubs, but I’m thinking more about volunteering. I think I have a roof leak. I wish I knew if there was a God. Dic has diabetes. […]
1/1/07 I want to change my life. I don’t know how. It’s New Year’s Day 2007, and I’m alone. I’m always alone except when Jen and David are here, or I go to them. I never learned how to relate to men. I find it hard to make friends. I’m told I have to […]
I’m not sure how it happened. I was driving home from work. I was tired, a little stressed about moving and all the burdens I’ve been carrying for so long. I’d finished a mystery on CD, and I put Celine Dion’s Christmas album in the player. There was “Oh, Holy Night” in all its glory. […]
I read Dr. Phil’s book almost two years ago. I lost 65 lbs (from 275) and I eventually flew to both Chicago and L.A. Since then, I’ve gained about 20 lbs back. Jen is living in Chicago. David is in Italy right now. He’s called me from Paris and described the Louvre, the Eiffel Tower, […]
May 15 I asked you for a psalm about the new song. And you knew I was a little low and gave me something about today, followed by one about song. (Psalm 80:7-19, 81:1-10)
It’s been forever since I wrote last. Lots of things have stayed the same, some have changed. I didn’t have the colonoscopy in November. It was much later than that and it was okay. Now I’m facing a D&C, ugh, because my uterine wall has thickened. She doesn’t think she’ll find anything, but she wants […]