I found dozens of mom’s journals after she died. One of them is titled “Letters to Mom”. It’s a collection of letters she wrote to her mother — my “Nana Anna” — starting about four months after her death.
These posts are entries from that journal.
1/27/08 Hi, Mom, Did I tell you I went shopping for wedding dresses again? Donna’s brother is getting married for the third time on 2/16. Today Donna and I went to a movie called 27 Dresses. It was a cute, funny love story. I’m so alone, and, right now, unbelievably broke. I’ll get paid on […]
1/25/08 Hi, Mom, It’s Friday night. I’m planning to watch Australian Tennis. I feel as if you’re going further and further away. I wish I could really talk to you, as if you would be able to answer. I guess that you can get used to being along. But it’s never fun. I started to […]
1/22/08 Hi, Mom, I’ve been eating tons of chocolate. I started eating right today, and I already feel better. Look, if you’re up there, please keep an eye on David & Jenny. I’m so far away. I miss them and you all the time. I want to hear your voice. I want to ask you […]
1/14/07 Hi, Mom, I hate to keep saying it, but I’m so alone. I have no one I can count on except myself. How the hell did this happen to me? Did I drive my kids away? I’ve decided that I’m the only one who can change my life, but I don’t know where to […]
1/12/08 Happy New Year Again, Mom! I really, really miss you. My ribs are hurting! I took down your little tree today. At least I hope it was your tree. It was in the closet at Indigo. It looked nice. I had it on the table you bought me on Horseman. I was such a […]
1/11/08 Hi, Mom, Dic called me today. It’s been happening a lot. I was feeling pretty bad with my broken ribs and all, but Dic said they were thinking of coming up tomorrow — until they realized that Amber has basketball practice tomorrow and a game on Sunday. I actually thought they might come, and, […]
1/8/08 Hi, Mom, Guess what. I don’t have just a muscle pull. I have that, but I also have three broken ribs. It seems so weird. Hurts like hell. I’m tired and lonely, and I wish I could talk to you. I really, truly need to lose weight. You know I’ll be 60 this year. […]
1/6/08 Hi, Mom, I’ve been home most of the week because I tore some muscles in my back when I fell. I’m so alone. I keep wondering why. I’m huge. I think I weigh out at the highest ever. I guess I’ll go to Weight Watchers and try again. I’ll be 60 this year, which […]
1/1/08 Hi, Mom, Happy New Year! I hope this year is better than last year. I miss you so much. I fell yesterday and hurt my right shoulder. I’m in a lot of pain. I was just wondering if you can somehow help me lose weight. That is, if you’re there. I wish you were […]
12/28/07 Hi, Mom, Got through Christmas, sort-of! Jen came and went. She stayed a week. We went to a movie, and I guess we had quality time together. But she always leaves. It hurts so much! I hardly ever see my kids, and I’m almost always alone. Dic & Ann believe I’m going to hell […]